This is my mother’s sister, my beautiful Aunt Sharon. The photograph was taken in the early 1980s at my parent’s fishing lodge in Quebec. I love this photo because it is so Sharon—pretty, smiling, adventurous, and fun.
I’m sharing this photo in memory of her, because she took her life last week. It was a shock to everyone. Even those closest to her. We didn’t know she suffered from depression. We didn’t know she was contemplating suicide. And it left us all breathless and shaken.
On hearing the horrible news, my first reaction was to wonder: How did we not know? Why didn’t we see the signs? What could we have done differently? Why didn’t she get help?
Then in the following days, my thoughts turned introspectively and I’ve contemplated: Am I any different from her? Do I have depression? Would I admit it to myself and others if I did? Would I seek help?
And you know what? I have, very recently, had depression. I didn’t officially diagnose myself, but I did research the symptoms. And I thought, Huh, I probably have postpartum depression. But I didn’t do anything about it. And even though I’ve never contemplated suicide, it would be presumptuous of me to think that I could go through bouts of depression on my own, without getting help, and never reach the suicidal point. My Aunt Sharon was an incredible woman. If depression killed her, it could kill anyone.
If you’re wondering if you may too have clinical depression, here is a list I found from WebMD of possible symptoms:
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
- Fatigue and decreased energy
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
- Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
- Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
- Irritability, restlessness
- Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
- Overeating or appetite loss
- Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
- Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelings
- Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
I’m also researching and learning about ways to recognize depression in others. But just like the airplane oxygen mask metaphor teaches us—we need to put on our own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs. Diagnosing yourself and seeking help is hard for many reasons, but it’s the first step toward respite.
We’re having a memorial for my Aunt Sharon this weekend. I’m looking forward to celebrating Sharon’s life with family and friends who loved her. She was a fun, hard working, generous, attentive, beautiful, and loving woman who I will dearly miss.
Georgia Anderson says
What a beautiful and helpful article. Thank you for sharing. The more we learn about signs and prevention, the more hope for help. That is one reason I love facilitating parenting and emotion coaching classes. The more we can build safety and trust within relationships the better chance of knowing when there is trouble. Love you Katie. My heart is with your wonderful family.
Thank you Georgia!
Wow, Katie. I’m so sorry for your loss. I just love you mother. I hope she is well. I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose a sister for any reason, let alone this. You will all be in my prayers, and thoughts.
I suffered from PPD after the birth of my last child, and it took me a while to figure out what was wrong with me. I just didn’t bounce back as I had with my first two, and I didn’t understand why at first. A few months before that, though, I was sitting in the foyer at my church and another young mother and I stuck up conversation. The conversation turned to her baby, and then she divulged that she had had severe depression after her baby was born. She had actually committed herself to a psych ward for help for two days. At first I was a little surprised that she was so open about it, but after thinking on it for a day, I became more impressed than anything. So many people might be embarrassed to admit such details, or even to hear such details, but I admire her willingness to share her experience, because she may very well help someone who is silently suffering. Being a mother is amazing, but it is not always roses. We should not feel guilty for admitting the times when we are struggling.
P.S. I found a great remedy to help with my PPD. It really pulled me out of it, if your ever interested in the future.
I think talking about depression is always helpful. When you talk about it you realize how many people have experienced it or are currently in the middle of it. And just the act of talking about it can make you feel a little better! Ummm…yeah. I’m still feeling the effects of depression off and on. I’d love to hear your remedy!